Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A+ Viking dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
