MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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