idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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