once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
