I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
