Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
