I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
