biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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