she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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