SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then my night got REAL pukey
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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