Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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