note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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