he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
