He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
