I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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