i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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