Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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