he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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