google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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