I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
