She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
