PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
