You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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