so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
