Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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