When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
