Sponge bath it is.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
