Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
