My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
