I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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