we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
