As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
