Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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