I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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