I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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