If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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