And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
