I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
