can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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