He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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