Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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