I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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