He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
