dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
