it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
