my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
