Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god it's open bar.
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