It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
