WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
