umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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