I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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