The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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