do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
