I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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