No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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