At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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