I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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