i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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