If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
