Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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