So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
