Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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