Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
