I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
