I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
