Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
