chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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