I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
