Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
