i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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