i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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