it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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