They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
