sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
