so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
