She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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